Aizen's Memo
by Jester310
Summary: Aizen gives memo to all the Arrancars regarding some issues.
1. Las Nochas

**Title: Aizen's memo**

**Rating: T**

**Pairing: None**

**Summary: Aizen gives memo to all the Arrancars regarding some issues.**

**Warnings: OOC-ness, grammar and language.**

**A/N: Just for early information, I got this idea from the book I recently bought 'URBAN LEGEND' and 50% of this piece comes from one of stories under parody chapters. I need to inform this early so people won't get pissed at me in case they've read that one story. .**

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><p><strong>From: Sosuke Aizen [aizen_]<strong>

**Sent: Saturday, November 11, 2010**

**To: All Las Noches residents (especially Espada)**

**Subject: Las Noches **

Hi guys. I know that we've all been working really hard but I feel it's brought us closer as a group, and I love that. First up, a big thanks to Gin pinning up the poster that says 'There is no 'I' in team' and the one that says, 'Hang in There, baby'. That monkey is so cute! But although we are fighting Shinigami, we still need time to look after Las Noches, and lately there's been some cause for concern.

For one thing, I know our main priority is to make The King's Key, but I think the sand scorpions shouldn't be scampering around the castle like some indestructible insects. Last night, one of them managed to sneak into Kaname's bed and now he's in the infirmary, applying salve on his ass. Come on, none of you want to be stung, so we've got to start sweeping the floor every day and do the spring cleaning once a month. I've stuck a duty rooster up the notice board and would appreciate if you guys would sign and date it when the task has been done.

Secondly, on the rare occasion when I'm filming a video, do bear in mind that I'm trying to intimidate the Shinigami. Therefore, I'd appreciate it if you didn't do the Napoleon Dynamite dance in the background when we are doing a shoot.

Third. Although there has been a reminder before, it seems that someone still refuse to follow it and hang their wishing card on the Bonsai inside the greenhouse. This morning I check, the cards say, "I wish for bigger boobs.", "I wish Aizen gives us an apple juice during the meeting. The tea he serves is the most disgusting stuff you've ever drunk, absolute poison…", "I hope Ulquiorra is reborn again as a flea.", etc… I know many of you have never seen plants in Huco Mundo before, so I'm telling you again, Bonsai is NOT a wishing tree. So please, stop hanging your wishing cards there and keep your wish to yourself. If you are a good boy and help me accomplish my plan, maybe Santa Clause will grant your wishes. Who knows?

My forth point is regarding to personal belongings. I bought this huge tub of Haagen-Dazs recently, labeled it 'Aizen' and placed it inside the fridge. Being the evil character can make me a little peckish and when I went to scoff the lot, I found that it had gone! A bit of consideration please.

And finally, could the owner of the G-stringed bottom which has been up on the notice board since last party take it down please? A lot of you were wasted that time and it was indeed a fun night but that piece of lingerie distracts all the residents in Las Noches. The number of accidents due to Arrancars collided to each other has been increasing to an alarming rate. They just couldn't tear their eyes off from it. Come on people, be decent a bit. It reflects our reputation.

**Love and hugs,**

**Aizen.**


	2. No Swearing

**Chapter 2: No Swearing in Las Nochas**

**A/N: This joke is from a site called LaughItOut, so therefore, I'm giving full credit to them.**

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><p><strong>From: Sosuke Aizen<strong>

**Sent: Saturday, April 27****th****, 2013**

**To: All Las Noches residents (especially Espada)**

**Subject: No Swearing at Work **

Dear residents of Las Nochas,

It has been brought to my attention that some individuals throughout the organization have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their fellow Arrancar.

Due to complaints received from some Arrancar who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. I do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with others.

Therefore, a list of 12 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1. Try Saying: I think you could do with more training  
>Instead Of: You don't have a fucking clue, do you?<p>

2. Try Saying: He's an aggressive go-getter.  
>Instead Of: He's a fucking power-crazy bastard.<p>

3. Try Saying: Perhaps I can come to the meeting late.  
>Instead Of: And when the fuck do you expect me to come to that stupid meeting?<p>

4. Try Saying: I'm certain that isn't feasible  
>Instead Of: Fuck off asshole<p>

5. Try Saying: Really?  
>Instead Of: Well fuck me backwards with a Las Nochas pillar.<p>

6. Try Saying: Perhaps you should check with…  
>Instead Of: Tell someone who gives a fuck.<p>

7. Try Saying: I wasn't involved in that fight.  
>Instead Of: Not my fucking problem.<p>

8. Try Saying: That's interesting.  
>Instead Of: What the fuck?<p>

9. Try Saying: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.  
>Instead Of: No fucking, asswipe.<p>

10. Try Saying: It will be hard, but I'll try to make it work.  
>Instead Of: Why the fuck didn't you tell me that yesterday?<p>

11. Try Saying: He's not familiar with the issues.  
>Instead Of: He's got his head up his fucking ass.<p>

12. Try Saying: Do you have a minute?  
>Instead Of: Oi, fuck face.<p>

**Love and Hugs,**

**Aizen**


End file.
